Hidden tear, secrete tears and rising fears. (Tainted)
Silent pleas, quiet screams and flowing heme.
A friendly smile, a warming brace, an evil smirk, a deadly mace.
I feel so frail, I’ll swallow my shame and burn my name.
I want no gain neither do I crave fame, but this my soul desires that the moon feels my pain and turns red ,that the sun hears my wail and gives no light, till his star goes dark, his eyes turn black and his face white.
It all started on a cool evening.
Mum returned quite late from the store and after having dinner went to say hello to our neighbors who pre-informed her of our pastor (friend) that came visiting.
For about 1 hour mum was having a conversation with our pastor.
The previous Sunday service was fire so they had a lot to discuss.
Her also being a deaconess didn’t make the meeting any shorter she mythicized the man.
She came back to give me a synopsis of their discussion.
Telling me how they talked (gossip) about other officials; I didn’t really care.
The next day came upon us, mum went to work.
I went to school, and we all came back in the evening.
The pastor was present again, they exchanged pleasantries and started a conversation.
After a while mum comes back to the house; calls my name “go and say hello to the man of God he wants to pray with you” she said.
This was past 8 pm.
“Good evening sir, my mum said I should come and say hello,” I said, “come inside and sit” he replied.
I went inside and he started asking me questions about my academics and what I aspired to be, I became comfortable and he came closer, he suddenly started touching my lap.
I was lost so I asked what he was doing. “Relax it is for your benefit,” he said.
Mum walked in this exact moment and everything stopped.
I tried processing what had just happened and I knew I didn’t have the most understanding mother so I kept to myself.
A few months passed until mom said “you were shouting in your dreams and pastor said that’s a sign of the evil one.
So he asked that you be brought for deliverance” “no!” I retorted, she told me that was the demon talking.
The D-day came and she dropped me off immediately I got off and entered his house (he lived alone) he remarked on my looks.
I still didn’t understand what was going on so I kept to myself.
He said we should pray and he held my hands after some hours he said I would need to stay for a vigil that he has contacted mom and she was happy.
He showed me to the guest room and left—I just wanted the day to be over with so I cuddled up and laid there.
Around 11 pm I felt a touch, (I remembered I locked the door) so I jumped and saw him sitting by the bed in his boxers “it is time to pray” he said, “okay sir I will join you in the praying room” I responded, “there is no need for that” he answered, we can pray here.
I was about getting up when I felt his hand pull me back “relax” he whispered.
I became worried and said I would rather stand.
His grip got firmer,” Gbos” the sound of his clenched fist against my head.
Be a good boy!” he exclaimed, he hit me a couple of times till I couldn’t scream or beg again he then proceeded to violate me when he was done he said to me “take it like a man it happened to me in seminary school too.”
He left, I felt death whisper into my ears I stayed awake all night hoping It was a dream. but the strange bodily sting said otherwise.
Atlas morning came, and mom came to pick me, “ha what happened to your head,” she asked.
“he was manifesting so he injured himself,” he answered.
I just stood there in silence, entered the car and zoomed off, “so how was the vigil are you cured?” she asked “fine” I whispered.
I couldn’t tell anyone anything.
I didn’t know how they would see me, I didn’t know who would believe a so-called pastor did that to me.
By now you should be guessing that I am a human male and I was raped 12 years ago.